04-13-01

"I'M SORRY...YOU JERK!"


I've never been able to succesfully compile a 'top 10 films' list, because I invariably wind up with thirty or more titles that I want to include. But when it comes to comedies, my favorites are clear cut, and 'A Fish Called Wanda' is always near the top of the list (lest you think I have a future as a film critic, let me hasten to add that 'Ishtar' is also at the top of the list. And no, that's not a joke). I've seen the movie at least a dozen times, and I still laugh my head off every time - okay, so the french fries up the nose bit wears a bit thin after a while, but in general it's an incredibly funny movie, and if you've never seen it you ought to.

In the past week, the whole ridiculous Apology Crisis with China has repeatedly reminded me of the scene in 'A Fish Called Wanda' when Otto is forced to apologize to Archie for holding him upside down out a window. Every time I heard right-wingers start whining about how Shrub shouldn't apologize because the U.S. hadn't done anything wrong, I heard Otto's voice in my head saying "I don't believe in apologies! They're for the weak!". And when we finally did offer an apology to China, I heard Otto saying "I'm sorry...I'm sorry...you jerk!"

The difference between Otto and the Bush administration is, of course, that we weren't clearly in the wrong, and so perhaps technically, we didn't "owe" China an apology. But the underlying comparison still stands. What we've been seeing is the reckless machismo and Cold War mentality of those in power, who would rather drive this country into crisis mode than offer a sincere apology for the loss of human life.

The corporate media and the regressive spokesmen have wasted no time in declaring this a "victory" for Shrub, conveniently forgetting that only hours before they were happily gushing about the administration's "firm" stance and doing their best to convince the public that issuing an apology would be tantamount to embracing Communism. How are they able to pull this off? Easy. They're insisting that there WAS no apology.

Give me a break. Last I checked, "very sorry" didn't mean "screw you", but you'd think the definition had been changed to mean just that if you listened to the majority of Republicans speak on the matter. They maintain that no apology was given because we didn't say that we are at fault...that the words "very sorry" should be ignored. If you listen to them long enough, you almost start to believe that the letter of apology was actually full of deadly insults. Um...exactly HOW stupid do they think the American people are? An apology is an apology is an apology. What they're REALLY saying is that it wasn't a SINCERE apology (well, duh) and therefore, it doesn't count.

Now, we're all aware that diplomats issue statements which aren't the least bit sincere, but isn't it part and parcel of diplomacy to at least PRETEND that the statements are sincere? Since when is it 'diplomacy' to say "I'm sorry...you jerk"?

Sadly, the Shrub administration is so blinded by its narrow, nationalistic view that it was willing to risk the lives of twenty-four men and women rather than eat a bite - hell, just a nibble - of humble pie and say "Hey, we're really sorry that this happened; let's work together to make sure it doesn't happen again". Regressives like to pretend that we somehow gained something by making China wait eleven days for the apology, but I can't figure out for the life of me what that 'something' is - unless they're referring to the realization that Shrub's bark is kind of wimpy and his bite non-existent.

Of course, not ALL right-wingers are cavorting about and nominating Shrubbie for 'Mr. Tough Guy of the Century', and it'd be incredibly disingenuous (not to mention downright dishonest) of me to claim that I don't take perverse delight in watching Wimp Jr.'s popularity with diehard regressives head south. They're not happy about the apology, and they're not buying the new definition. When they look at Shrub, they don't see Otto insisting that he's too manly to apologize; they see Archie, hanging by his heels from an open window, saying "I apologize unreservedly" -- and it's driving them bonkers.

It's a dilemma for the diehards, to be sure. Should they continue to march in lockstep behind their buffoon of a leader in the hopes that the rest of the country will suddenly turn idiot and start believing he actually has a clue, or stick to their "kill commies first, ask questions later" philosophy? You can practically feel the waves of brain-pain emanating from these people as they try to decide. I almost feel sorry for them. Well, okay, not really.

No question about it - Shrub's got his hands full. Those of us with common sense who felt that issuing a nice little apology wasn't going to bring the sky crashing down on us aren't likely to applaud him now that he's finally gone and done it, because the moron waited so long that he very nearly got us to the point where an apology WOULD have been a mistake (we certainly look weaker now to the rest of the world than we would have if we'd issued the damn apology in the first place). It was only after Shrub's handlers realized that Jesse Jackson might very well steal their thunder that they scrambled to say whatever was necessary to get our people released, and they can't possibly be stupid enough to think that no one noticed their timing. So they can forget a thumbs-up from the mentally competent faction. And those who felt that the hostages should never have been a primary concern - who believed that our servicemen and women should have sacrificed their lives to trash the plane so that the dirty Commies couldn't take a peek at our valuable hardware - aren't falling for the "very sorry = screw you" line, so Shrub certainly isn't getting any praise from the right-wingnut faction. Which leaves only the middle-of-the-road, "tell me what my opinion should be" faction - who were first told that the Chinese were being outrageous to demand an apology, and were then told that we'd decided to apologize after all, and are now being told that an apology isn't necessarily an apology...and they're all confused as hell.

Poor, poor Shrubbie.

Heh heh.


~Rose

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